The Sartorial Wife: Dress To Unveil Or Not

Quick & Easy Illustrations by Mai Manaloto Taynton
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How should a woman look after she gets hitched? A sensitive discourse on an old-age institution, marriage. A discourse on marriage entails discussion about sex, politics, compromise, communication and most importantly fashion. Fashion can be the tool you need to keep the spark in your marriage ablaze. As I mentioned in my previous blog, a reason why fashion’s essential is because it has the capacity to render clothing as a potent symbol for perpetual identity transformation. The constant change in design aesthetics such as the colors, silhouettes and ornamentations build curiosity further fueling our curious nature through the simple process of concealment. In a marriage sense couples can use clothing as a way to keep each other interested and desirable. Everyone from celebrities to an old aunt would admit that marriage is hard. No matter how good a relationship is, a happy and successful marriage requires daily effort. Every couple has their way of manifesting their effort into a relationship. Mine for example, effort is as simple as grooming ourselves and working out regularly. Knowing that he respects my proclivity with aesthetic by maintaining his good look and figure shows me that he cares about me and himself. I do enjoy dressing nice to give my husband more reasons to tell me how good I look. On a less superficial note, what’s important is that we both enjoy doing the work in the relationship.

A good husband never tells his wife what to wear and does not impose his possession of her, instead he sees her as a person he shares the highs and lows with. Someone who completes him and guides him when he is lost. A good husband sees her as his best friend and does not act like a third parent. He might get jealous when his wife wears revealing clothes only because he fears that other men might desire her lustfully the way he does. Due to this he may suggest a more modest way of dressing but he should never be oppressive and make his wife wear something she isn’t comfortable with. No matter what a wife wears, a good husband will respect her sartorial taste. There is no right or wrong way of dressing in a western perspective where fashion is solely based on freedom of expression. This is not the case for all since several countries are still conservative such as the Middle East where there is a proper way of dressing which is modest and covered-up. In a conservative nation, the acceptable manner of dress stems from their culture, adherence to the rules and acceptance from their family and community. Wives are not allowed to dress provocatively in public to save her from giving the wrong impression. But once she is within the vicinity of their home, she is free to wear revealing ensembles as much as she pleases.

As a wife, never underestimate the power of lingerie as it is an integral part of any happy relationship. There is no shame in wanting to look enticing for your man especially since lingerie is made to be shared between a man and wife. Lingerie should not only be exclusively worn for special occasion but rather part of your daily attire so that you feel sexy and beautiful all the time. It’s a good idea to go lingerie shopping with your man and let him decide what he wants on you. To some feminist this may seem old-fashion and an anti-feminist act, but if you are confident enough with your relationship it will not even be about feminism. It is simply an act of passionate fun with your husband and caring about what he likes and letting him take control but not in a crude savage way of yesteryears. As a wife you should dress well in whatever way you feel comfortable with but of course there are limits to how far it is appropriate, at the same time those limits are subjective. It is important to look put together for yourself most importantly. As crude as this may sound, men do view women as their greatest accomplishment and there really isn’t anything wrong if men think like that as long as they treat their lady as precious as they would do a trophy.

The Price Of Fashion: A Dream Worth The Splurge

Quick & Easy Illustrations by Mai Manaloto Taynton
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This might sound contemptuous but fashion is rarely, if not never for the poor and the fashion industry makes this painfully clear. Sartorial garb lover doesn't seem to mind since fashion could also foster drive, motivation, and creativity which at the end of the day are worth it. It’s because fashion is a product of capitalism making these two concepts inextricably connected. In the eyes of a capitalistic society, fashion is perfect. This holds truth in the glossy magazines, Instagram posts and films such as The Devil Wears Prada which suggest a world of endless glamour. Many are blind-sided by the bright lights of a runway without having any idea of the real work involved before a show is unrolled. During the Tudor period there were sumptuary laws which limited the type of clothing and material poor people get to purchase to maintain the social structure. The Tudor class system may no longer exist in the 21^st century however the cost of fashion still centers on capital exclusivity. With this medieval historical context in mind, individuals may no longer be dictated by law with what they can wear but their wallet would. And when we speak of fashion, it is not only about the clothes we wear but also a discourse on education, career, and lifestyle choices. Read more on Clothing Hedonism: Glamourizing Fashion In Conventional Discourses.

In any field we enter, education is important especially today where competition is abundant. Having an idea or creative vision is simply not enough to get a foot down in the fashion industry. Knowing the specific tools as well as being aware of the detailed practices needed to execute an idea is amongst the fundamental grounds of what fashion schools can offer. Why would a profit-based organization hire you if you don’t have the talent and skills required to get things done? Ultimately, you are paid to know and execute, not to learn. Fashion school are witnessing a dramatic rise in enrolment due to the public’s increasing awareness of aesthetic which we see in the media. Education enables individuals to hone their talent and skill but if it doesn’t come naturally, perhaps a different field will best suit you – this kind of ‘natural selection’ idea just adds to the whole exclusivity concept. Ultimately the bread and butter of the industry is raw talent therefore innate gift is a must. Read more on A Shrewd Fashion Tactician: The Long-Term Ball Game For A Fashion Designer.

Fashion institutions are very expensive because it offers a resume boost. Not to mention all the materials and tools you will need to jumpstart your fashion career as well as the clothes and beauty products you will need to look presentable. All these add up but if you are serious about pursuing a fashion career then just think of them as investments. There is a myriad of opportunities in the fashion industry as long as you are willing to crawl to the top of the totem pole and make yourself noticeable in a sea of budding talent and skill. Just like any other profession, fashion entails diligence and effort but the fast paced world is an entirely different kind of beast that most can’t dream of taming. It is an industry reserved only for the most dedicated and creative in the world, leaving no space for mediocrity. Fashion design encompasses a lot of skills related to the industry with every element playing a highly choreographed system of chain reaction producing a collection season after season. Read more on Fashion Code: The Business Card And Emancipation Of Women.

Once you are in the realm of fashion, living it is part of the ordeal therefore it includes dressing appropriately. In the creative field it is understandable that the dress code is more relaxed but as a professional, be sure to look like you rolled out of bed and decided to go to work. However, your appearance can cost you money. Good quality and trendy apparel do come with a hefty price tag so if you do not want to splurge you have to think outside the box. Maybe invest in timeless staple pieces you can easily mix and match. Just know that in this industry dressing to impress comes with it. And in this digital-social-media day and age it is not enough be dressed well, you also have to be in a trendy spot with a scenic view, otherwise what’s the point of dressing impeccably if you will just go to a wet market. Instead of stressing about looking your best, have fun with it and see it as an opportunity to express who you are and who you want to become – use it to motivate you to work harder. At the end of the day if it made you happy, do not regret it. If fashion and the lifestyle it exudes gives you that drive to persevere and become successful, then go for it. Read more on Style And Self-Identity: An Instrument That Builds Symbolic Capital.

Now we arrive at the moment of truth, is fashion worth it? If you have a sewing machine, have a hard look at it. Is it pilling up dust inside a drawer or does it occupy the prime reality of your bedroom? I’m stressing the point that if you are serious about this you must eat, breath, live and dream fashion despite all the financial constraints. Money shouldn’t be a hindrance in your fashion dreams. Sure, it is expensive but if you really want it you have to be resourceful. There are always fashion school grants and scholarships. You can always style to stretch your wardrobe or better yet make your clothes. And a career in fashion may entail free travels and parties at the hippest side of town, and opportunities getting first dibs with the latest collection and license to borrow clothes to wear for events. I’ll end this blog post with a quote from Coco Chanel “The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive”. Read more on Luxury Fashion: The Deluxe Standards.

The Newly Engaged Sartorialist: Engagement Rings, Fashion And Relations

Quick & Easy Illustrations by Mai Manaloto
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“Yes, I will be Mary Ann Taynton” I told my fiancé when he got down on one knee and popped the question. I could never have prepared myself with the joy that comes with being engaged to the one person who ticked all my boxes. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was a single gal mingling and dating around, daydreaming for when I finally find the one. And here I am today, an engaged woman, smitten by my fiancé and can’t stop staring at my engagement ring. This discourse involves a brief history of engagement rings or also called the betrothal rings, the proper ensemble for various engagement celebrations and bits of my experiences as a newly engaged lady. The history and tradition behind engagement rings is a fascinating topic dating back to ancient times. It all started during the Egyptian period when couples who were newly wedded exchanged rings made of intertwined reeds forming a round shape – circular figures symbolized eternity. The ring was placed on the left hand ring finger as it was believed to have a vein that ran straight to the heart or better known as the Vena Amoris which is Latin for “Vein of Love”.

Betrothal rings were still made out of hemp, leather, bone or ivory during the Greek period. It was during the Roman period when gradual shift to the use of metal became predominant and iron was the metal of choice back then. Gold and silver rings were usually reserved for a rare occasion which symbolized that a man trusted his wife with his valuable property. Engagement rings didn’t exactly symbolized love back then but rather a form of ownership.  Grooms would give the bride a ring to signify her binding legal agreement to his possession of her. Diamonds on engagement rings didn’t exist until the 15^th century when the Archduke of Austria, Maximilian, proposed to Mary of Burgundy with a ring embedded with thin pieces of diamonds forming the first letter of her name. It was also during the middle ages that posei rings begun to flourish, these were ring bands with engraved romantic poetries or short inscriptions.

The influx of diamond engagement rings didn’t start until the 19^th century. A British company called Debeers discovered a diamond mine in South Africa which massively changed the jewellery trade. At that time, there was more supply of diamonds than the demand for it. They got in touch with an ad agency to market diamond engagement rings to the mass and their marketing strategy was to persuade men that only diamonds were synonymous with the ideals of love and romance. Engagement rings became the measure of a man’s love and even up to this day, a man’s personal and professional success is assumed to be proportional to the size and quality of diamond he purchases. One of Debeer’s most famous slogan was “diamonds are forever” which encouraged men to spend a large amount of their salary on the rock. But the fuss over diamond engagement rings is nothing more than a mere ad campaign. Being engaged means so much more than just having a ring on a woman’s finger. It’s a life changing new level of commitment to each other.

I’ve always preferred an intimate proposal – it was important that it was only about us two and the love and understanding we have for each other. There wasn’t anything unusual the night Ollie, my fiancé, popped the question which caught me off-guard and really surprised me. I came home from work with a chocolate cake and he told me he would cook us a nice, healthy dinner accompanied with some vino which wasn’t unusual at all since we always make it a point to have a nice dinner presentation from time to time. Afterwards we walked up to the sky deck of the tower where we live and after treasuring the landscape view he got down on one knee and started his speech while handing a jewellery box containing a sparkly diamond ring. He ended his speech with “will you be Mary Ann Taynton?” and most certainly I said yes. Quite frankly, his words started to fade a little once he opened the box and I could see the sparkling ring. I couldn’t take my eyes of it, it’s so beautiful.

We posted our engagement on social media not only to inform our friends (we’ve informed our family prior to the post) but also because we were so proud of each other and the choice we’ve made. When Ollie and I started dating for a bit, we’ve already had a discussion where we see our relationship going. We both knew that we wanted to get married and be together in fidelity for the rest of our lives. Perhaps this is our honeymoon stage as an engaged couple but I feel like a whole new woman. My make-up and wardrobe are more than ever amplified, my nails are always painted, and I’m more polite and positive with my general demeanour. Now that I am an engaged lady, it’s only appropriate to always look nice and this goes to all engaged ladies out there. Apart from all the planning and excitement that comes along with being engaged, you should never forget to dress well for all the special occasions you’ll be taking part in from now on. 

Prior to the wedding day, there’s the engagement party. This is the time to dress up in a special ensemble so try not to wear white just yet, save all that for other upcoming celebrations and of course the wedding day. The bridal shower is usually a daytime affair; it is recommendable to wear light or pastel colours. Be sure to wear something festive and comfortable because a lot of socializing will be occurring – a shift dress style paired with blocked heels is a nice example to wear. It’s time to bust out that sexy fun party dress for the bachelorette party. This is the perfect occasion to wear something that shows-off a little bit of skin but keep in mind that you are already off the market so don’t look too sexy, keep it classy. A white short mini dress is a nice candidate for this night out with your gal pals. On a more serious function, signing a marriage certificate at a city hall isn’t exactly the most glamorous of all occasion but it will be nice to commemorate the moment by dressing appropriately. A sleek midi length dress paired with pointy flats is the way to go. As we draw closer to the wedding day, comes the rehearsal dinner so for this gathering it is best to wear something you can move around with. Brides commonly wear a white dress during rehearsal dinner and it’s best to wear heels that will resemble to the ones you will wear on your wedding day, this way you can practice and know what you are dealing with when you walk down the aisle.

There you have it, the perfect OOTD for all your engagement affairs apart from the wedding day itself. Being engaged is a wonderful, exciting and fun-filled life experience. Personally, Ollie and I are just cherishing all the occasions we get to call each other “fiancé”. An engagement is a crowning moment of finding your soul mate as well as getting butterflies whenever you tease each other as “fiancé” while doing the dishes and going to bed. There is nothing wrong with being in that honey moon phase in a relationship and wearing your ring proudly furthermore being excited with all the plans. Enjoy this stage in your engagement like the thrill of when you just started to date. An engagement is more than putting a ring on it and the four C’s (cut, carat, colour, and clarity) but ultimately it is a celebration of a lifelong commitment, fidelity, loyalty and the journey of two people together. Continue reading about Relationship Bliss and Sartorial Compromise.

Dating And Fashion Reconciliation: Surviving Sartorial Blocks And Fashion Ruts

Quick & Easy Illustrations by Mai Manaloto
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Here’s to the latest fashion trend innovation called athleisure, a trend in which work-out and athletic themed apparel is worn in various environments apart from the gym and similar locations. And cheers to that special person in my life who made me live vividly again. This discourse revolves around surviving sartorial blocks and regaining that enthusiasm for life by falling in love again. Love comes in various  forms for all of us, it could be the love for traveling, love for sports or perhaps it’s a platonic type of love. For whatever the case, what’s important is keeping that love burning especially under the shadow of cynicism. In this case, love for me came from choosing to stay in fashion as well as crossing paths with a bloke that ticked all my boxes, and who happened to have a massive heart.  For some time, I’ve been in a fashion rut. I haven’t been inspired with the pieces of clothing I've put together which is a signal that things aren’t that good. Fashion has that power to make us feel something. It can act as an outlet for hope and inspiration for projecting our ideas of who we are and who we want to become. So when I was facing a sartorial block, a condition of being unable to style clothing or proceed with fashion, I knew something was up with me.

 Sartorially speaking, I’ve lost my mojo and being in that jaded situation could be frustrating because it puts you in a void condition. I had to do an introspective confrontation to determine what was really bothering me since there was tension within myself and as a result apathy begun to ensue for my outward appearance. My personal and professional life were predisposition to change and I had a hard time grasping it all. On the bright side, I knew one thing hadn't changed which was my love for beautiful things such as the exquisite lace on my lingerie, the impeccably embroidered floral on my black velvet boots, and that spray bottle that holds captive a potent sweet evocative scent of lavender infused with the more feminine rose aroma that transports me across thousands of miles. These things still made me happy and served as my source of escape despite the fact that I was ready to give-up on the idea of ever finding a suitable romantic partner. I was a romance cynic at best, relentlessly pounding in my head “who needs a boyfriend when you have a career” – as if those two aspirations couldn’t co-exist together.

We’ve all had that traumatizing moment that shattered us. Moments for which we thought broke us, but were we really broken? Or perhaps we were broken open instead. Sartorial slip-ups are just like heart breaks, they have a way of unmasking and exposing our deepest weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I remember being all dressed up in a sophisticated black ensemble for work and all of a sudden, my faux leather sandals started falling apart. It was so embarrassing and such a struggle since I had so much to do that day and on top of all chaos, I was already an hour late. I had to snap out of that self-pity mode and get going. My options at that time were either  get the sandals fixed or get a new pair, the closest stop was a 7/11 store and they had flip-flops but no freaking way I’m wearing flip-flops with the ensemble I have on, so instead I got some adhesive and did some D-I-Y. And there it was, a sartorial conundrum solved. If only love affairs could be solved with an adhesive found in a convenience store. Heart breaks could leave us retreating from any form of genuine intimacy. There is nothing wrong with retreating, it is perfectly healthy but we can’t keep closing our doors. As a matter of fact, real healing begins the moment we start trusting again. A blow that occurred in a relationship can only be healed in a new relationship. Just like how a sartorial slip-up could only be repaired in a fashion come back. Had a passe style in college? Become the work force fashionista.

 It’s true that we can heal on our own, however that would only go so far. At one point or another, we will need the support, perspective and reflection that only a loving relationship can give us. When I met my current romantic partner, I saw him and in the deepest reach of my being, I knew that I would feel safe with him because he would do anything to keep things like that between us. I was convinced that he would respect and love me, and  I would do the same for him. There was something about his aura that told me everything I needed to know at that time. I was certain that I could heal with him and we could help each other out. So, with a scared but genuinely serene smile on my face I took a leap of fate and agreed to become his girlfriend. I felt his support and love very deeply. That love continues to burn brightly in the twilight of my still-slightly-cynical heart. The truth is, no matter how much self-love I have for myself, experiencing that kind of pure love from another soul heals me so profoundly. Loving again helped me emerge out of this fashion rut and return to my former self-acclaimed splendor. It makes me feel excited about the prospect of dressing up and immersing myself in the realms of fashion again. I've figured not to take myself too seriously, besides it's fashion we're talking about, which is meant to be fun. It's not that deep and we're not exactly saving lives. But then again, fashion is still a tool for self-expression, individuation and a vehicle to perpetual identity transformation (read more discourse on Style And Self-Identity: An Instrument That Builds Symbolic Capital).

The point is, when facing a sartorial block or fashion rut, start trying out new things. Make an attempt to add your personal spin to a current trend or if you are the type that always wear jeans why not toss on a skirt every now and then. Keep tweaking your clothing attire until you find a style that you love and same goes with dating, keep your options open until you met the right person who satisfies all necessary criteria you have for a life partner. It's essential to figure yourself out, address what's going on inside and reconnect with yourself before you start connecting with a new person. And then start bringing that out in you selection of dress and overall ensemble. Start valuing the new life experiences and maturity you have gained as well, rather than yearning for youth and naivete. Having experienced love, loss and slip-ups  only enriches us and enables us to fully determine our relational and sartorial needs and true desires. So there it is, I've survived my sartorial block and came out  on the other side. The way we portray ourselves with fashion visually says a lot on how we feel about ourselves. I fell in love with fashion again the moment I fell in love with the person I had become, and along the way I found myself falling in love with a man who surpassed my dreams for a partner. 

Fashion Code: The Business Card And Emancipation Of Women

Quick & Easy Illustrations by Mai Manaloto

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I remember that moment that made me so vividly, it was about a year and nine months ago. I was going on an interview for a lifestyle website brand, it was nerve racking and exciting altogether and I remember wearing an all black ensemble that showed–off my figure and yet still conservative. I spent quite some time fixing myself; putting some make-up, doing my hair, grooming and styling. It was for a fashion design role and clearly being fashionable was simply implied. Calling to mind that moment I went on that job interview got me pondering about Leen Demeester’s assertion on how appearance is a woman’s business card and fashion is the code. In matters of career advancement, is a woman’s appearance as well as her place in society dependent on the clothes she wear? Clothing is defined as anything attached or altered on the body (read more on Misguided Fashion: The Misconception In Clothing). Can attractiveness even substitute or equate to a bachelor’s degree? These are few interesting grounds that will be discussed in this discourse.

Fashion history for more than 2,000 years only proves how women place a lot of importance towards their outside appearance. A good example to examine would be the corsets. Corsets are great example on how women have attached great importance towards their looks. It was around the 16th and 17th Century, during the Elizabethan and Spanish fashion period, that corsets became a prominent fashion attire for the elite women of Europe. Comfort was set aside for the sake of aesthetic – the more slender the bodice, the more beautiful a woman was perceived.Women’s long attachment to physical appearance marks the emancipation of women in society. It is a controversial discourse because not all women sits well with the idea of objectification and male gaze. Nonetheless, men and women play a complementary role in the system of fashion as men have a tendency to view women as objects of desire, while women in turn, have a tendency to perceive themselves as objects of desire. In my opinion, women should not be enraged with the concept of objectification. It is something that both sexes must celebrate because it glorifies the compatibility of the male and female gender roles (read more on Clothing Drive: Fashion Fueled By Desire).

It is no secret that appearance can influence a woman’s advancement in terms of career. This has been one of the business of fashion – turning beauty and adornment into a necessity for success. A German study confirms that wages, promotions and perks at work are somewhat related to a woman’s attractiveness. A theory suggest that this is the case in a business level because attractive individuals leave more lasting impression. Another study suggest that women wearing more make-up is seen as more competent. Make-up is found to increase people’s perception of women’s likability and trustworthiness. The bottom line is attractiveness could act as a tool to open a door. But there is another side to being attractive. In a work place, being too attractive can work against women. Some co-workers might have assumptions as to how an attractive female got the job, which means that a doubted attractive woman have to actually work harder to prove herself. More so, when someone beautiful have proven herself, it can be harder to accept because an attractive and smart colleague can definitely appear as a threat. The politics of beauty in a work place is that, if a woman is too attractive it doesn’t work for her favor because she’s not taken seriously by both men and women. On the other hand, a non-extremely attractive woman do get an edge. Interestingly enough, being attractive is pursued and discriminated at the same time.

The reality is that looks are a hidden persuader. It is understandable that many are reluctant to admit that a woman’s appearance influences her advancement because it is superficial, shallow and bias at best. The truth is, no one will admit that something so trivial will even impact their decision-making process even though it really does.  Appearance becomes a powerful factor in career advancement. However, it’s not all about physical beauty – it’s something to be attractive, but it’s not all there is. Looks will fade, fashion goes out of style and vitality begins to exhaust itself. This is the reality for all, so it’s still best to not bank on your looks and start honing some skill sets. Fashion and career endeavor is about presenting yourself strategically. A strategically presented woman, someone who has intelligently immersed herself in the realm of fashion, has an immense advantage over their simply average or disheveled colleagues. It takes more than just looks, it’s about the package deal – dressing appropriately, having an amazing attitude and a strong work ethic. It’s worth remembering that success is a result of talent, drive and skill set but it wouldn’t hurt for women to have their best stilettos forward and crimson lipstick on as they conquer the world.

Source: Leen Demeester (2013). Fashion Icons: Fashion Trends Throughout The Centuries. Lannoo Publisher.